In a recent writing class the instructors talked about "showing" somebody something -- making it so the reader can "feel" the experience rather than just being told about it.   Then they asked me if there was something that I have told people about in the past where it might be more interesting to "show" them.  I immediately thought about IRS audits, which I have been warning (uh, telling) people about for a long time.  On my IRS audit page you can read my latest attempt to "tell".  Here is the "show" version:

 "Ohmygoodness! How did I ever let things come to this?  This auditor doesn't understand my business at all, and isn't even trying to.  This unpadded chair is torturing me and I'm crammed up against the gray metal desk stuffed into his stupid little cubicle.  Now he is waving that paternal finger, lecturing me that my books aren't done very well.  I'm biting my tongue so I don't yell at him, "Listen, you twit – you have no idea what I do.  I report every penny I make and I resent your accusations", but that probably wouldn't be a good idea.  Plus I keep losing my concentration because it's a lot more interesting to listen to that poor schmuck in the next cubicle begging for mercy – Jeez, now his auditor's demanding to examine two more years of tax returns, and the guy's LLC as well.  I hope my auditor isn't listening to that. This is terrifying.... That Groom guy was right; I should have done a lot more to prepare for this.  Maybe I could fake a heart attack or something; I gotta get out of here...."

I don't know enough about writing or the personalities of people reading what I write to know which is better....what do you think?

Would you play Russian Roulette if it involved a really big revolver, say one with a hundred cylinders, and only one of them was loaded?  Not me, but again, I'm only an accountant.

My friend Tom just called, and it seems like he has (metaphorically) decided to spin the cylinder, place the gun to his head and squeeze the trigger.  For years he has been buying houses from the city that have been boarded up or are being lived in by dope dealers, squatters, etc.  He re-habs those houses, then rents or sells them.  But now he is being investigated criminally.  If you believe what you read in the newspaper, he buys houses for $15,000 and talks people into buying them for $100,000, profiteering off low-income minorities.  The newspaper ignores the cost and value of the rehab in the middle, which makes for a much more interesting (one-sided) read.  Ouch.

Tom groans that the $300k it would take to make this all go away (a small part of his net worth) would "hurt him".  But he feels he is right, so will insist on fighting, not realizing that "right" is something that a judge will decide.  Plus, his ornery personality will not serve him well in court.  I shudder at what will happen when a judge dares to lecture and point a paternal finger at him.

The odds of winning are in Tom's favor, but he's almost sixty, and if he loses, his life really changes.  We are going round and round on this one.  Part of our last conversation was:

"Tom!  Assume you have to go through this trial a hundred times and that in ninety of them the judge says just what he should, namely, "Wow, you were right; the court apologizes for inconveniencing you".  But in ten of them the judge isn't paying attention, or is a buddy of the prosecuting attorney and he spanks you with six months of free room and board, courtesy of the State.  How much would you (one of the winning Toms) pay to keep you (one of the losing Toms) out of jail?  Isn't $300k reasonable?"  (note: so far it hasn't worked -- any ideas?)

There are many things that he could have done to structure his transactions and set up his business systems and procedures that most likely would have kept  this issue from ever coming up.  But perhaps his biggest mistake was not realizing the potential political/legal fallout of doing so much buying and selling in poor neighborhoods.  One person I know (in the same business) has greatly reduced his risk by serving on various community committees and helping pro-business candidates get elected.  He is known locally as a benefactor who restores entire neighborhoods rather than as a slumlord profiteer.

The principle in warfare is that you don't take a superior enemy head-on.  Tom can't see that the state is a superior enemy (more guns).  This is only at the beginning stages, so there is still time to get through to him.  Click.  Click.  Click....... (all clicks so far, but "Bang" is a bummer).

In the last posting I told of a friend who was contacted by an attorney concerning one of his long defunct corporations that the attorney wanted him to reinstate (see posting below).  My friend said no, and I said betcha they will find another way to solve their problem.  Well, it didn't take long..... now all they want is an assignment from my friend of the promissory note.  Since the assignment says in effect "whatever I got (concerning the note) you can have" -- basically a quitclaim, there is no problem with that.

The joke is the line of reasoning used by the attorney.  He says that "since you are the sole director, the obligations and rights of the defunct corporation inure to you".  Bull.  The directors are just appointed, etc. by the stockholder(s).  And this lawyer has NO idea who owned the stock of the (defunct) corporation.  All he wants is an excuse to bill his client (Citibank) for kinda maybe solving the problem.

It was cute tho', the way the attorney hid the quitclaim aspect in the assignment.  It didn't mislead my friend, who spotted it right away, but Citi will never see it.  Shucks, it says "Assignment" at the top of the page, so the clerk at Citicorp who gets it will think that's what it must be, right?

The assignment of course had all the standard up-the-bill multiple comma'd big sentences -- and buried in the middle, says "hereby assigns........ his interest......".  That one three letter word "his" takes ALL the juice out of it.  You or I could have signed it and it would have the same value (none). 

The only thing I can't figure out is whether the attorney even knows what he did.  We'll never know, most likely.  Maybe I will copy the form and label it at the bottom "Standard Citicorp Assignment Form".  Might come in handy some day....

I got an email today from a friend about a letter he just received from an attorney claiming that a major bank had lost some paperwork involving a mortgage that involved one of my friend's old, long defunct corporations.  The attorney "graciously" offered to prepare all the paperwork and bear all the costs of resurrecting that old corporation -- just so my friend could sign some paperwork to clean up the bank's mess.

Hmmm.  That old corporation would then be alive again, the paperwork my friend signed would be current, and Citibank (oops, did I just say the name of the bank?) can of course be trusted.  Look how well they are doing at taking care of their own business.  

You can guess what my recommendation was..... "just say no".  You never know when the law of unintended consequences will raise its ugly head.  When it comes to old businesses you used to be in, letting sleeping dogs lie is usually the best policy.  The legal environment is continually evolving, and what used to be perfectly fine ten years ago may not be today.

Wanna bet that six months from now the bank will have found another way to solve its problem without involving my friend?  Lost notes, indemnifying around title flaws, etc. are unfortunately part of the normal course of (bank) business these days.  

Welcome to Numericorp.com

If you check the tabs you can find out about what my company does.  I am an accountant and advisor.  My clients tend to be my friends.  I have just moved my website from what it was and where it was to here, although the business stays the same.

I am hoping that this will be a more useful site for you. 

That is why there is now a blog included here as well.

I plan to make postings about things that I think are important and/or things that I have been working with that might be interesting to you.  I invite your comments.

The picture below?  If you want, I can make up some exciting reasons why it is there -- to represent the exciting journey that it is to be "going for it" - how dangerous things instantly become if you don't know what you are doing, or if you lose concentration and make one little slip, etc.

But -- it was just a picture on my computer, and I was just seeing if I could make the picture function work. 

 This picture?  This one is of Tuscan Hall, a very cool place at the Wizard Academy, which is where I go to keep my mind open.